Guest Blog by a Zombie Running for President

It’s time for a different kind of president…an undead president. Vote for me. I promise not to eat your brains.

Hello, My name is Rodney, and I would like to ask for your vote in the next election.

Our country has been through a lot in the past 5 years — finding out that earthworms can drill into our brains (which resulted in mass stupidity, followed closely by mass death), mass starvation as crops died worldwide, the proliferation of giant rats, the temporary darkening of the sun, the horror as our own pets turned against us, the sudden opening of the Grand Canyon into a miles-deep hole in the earth, the strange butterfly attacks (who knew they had teeth?), and of course, the zombie apocalypse.

That’s why I think it’s time for a different kind of president — someone who understands what you’re going through. Someone who has been through what you have been through. A zombie president.

I would be honored to be the first zombie president. Now, I know what some of you out there are thinking — how can we trust this man to run our country and not eat our brains? I won’t lie to you. When I was younger, I did eat a few brains. But I did not inhale — ha ha, a little joke there, harkening back to easier times, right?

Seriously, though — I am a zombie, and I did eat some brains. But, when I was alive, I prided myself on being a man with self-control. Self-control that I would bring to the job as president. Self-control that I will use to not eat your brain. I know my detractors would like to focus on the “brain” issue, but there are so many more serious things going on in the world today.

I hope you will put aside any anti-zombie sentiment you may have, and vote for me. I’m Rodney Preston, and I promise not to eat your brains.