Dr. Plague’s Movie Madness
Just sittin’ around, waiting for the next plague to begin…..
Who is this “Dr. Plague” (I just know that one of these days I will spell that “plaque” and everyone will think I am a dentist) and why is this undead (long dead?) former “doctor” (I admit my medical credentials have been questioned more than once) talking about crappy movies? Is he an award-winning director? No. Does he have a film degree? No. Has he ever been on a movie set? No. Is he qualified to talk about movies? No. Does he even really exist, or is he the pathetic alter-ego of a sad and lonely writer desperately seeking attention? Hm.
Life is hard – even if you don’t have the plague. It can get you anxious and depressed, and if you are prone to such things, you may not want to watch dramatic, heart-wrenching drama, like Schindler’s List or Saving Private Ryan or Sophie’s Choice. I don’t want to worry/be permanently scarred from these stories about people I don’t even know! I’ve got enough stuff to care about here in the real world. And I don’t have the attention span (or the desire) to follow complex plots!
Give me a crappy horror movie over that stuff any day. In a crappy horror movie, there usually isn’t a plot to follow – or if there is, it is almost nonexistent, so who cares if your cat threw up on the carpet and you missed 20 minutes of the movie because you were cleaning it up? The acting is usually so bad that you know you are watching a movie – no worries about those characters and what will happen to them, because you can tell the actor is actually thinking about something else while he is writhing around pretending to be possessed. You can actually see him looking over at the craft services (i.e., the director’s mom) table to see if they’ve put out lunch yet, and that’s OK with me.
Don’t get me wrong. I do have a certain respect for the actors, writers, directors, and crew of these movies. They had a vision, a dream, and they did something about it. It takes money, time, commitment, and guts to see a project – any project – through, and they are putting their heart and soul on the line for all the world to see. It can’t be easy, even if everyone involved may have overestimated just how much talent they really have.
Just because I am making fun of them does not mean I don’t appreciate them. Give me a poorly made movie about zombie-aliens who infiltrate the American government over a Meryl Streep World War II drama where an entire family gets horrifically wiped out any time. Thank you, crappy movie makers – you really are performing a valuable service, and, one way or another, you are entertaining someone out there, even if it’s just me (and aren’t I worth it?).
There’s never been a better time to be a crappy movie fan. There are so many free or low-cost options to choose from, and you don’t even have to change out of your jammies or leave your couch.
And so, I present Dr. Plague’s Movie Madness, with plenty of “plot” spoilers, so you can decide if this crappy movie is right for you. Or, if you hate sitting through a movie even more than I do, you can just read through the review for a laugh (hopefully) and then get on with your life. Why not?
Join me and my companion throughout time and pestilence, Ted the Rat, for some fun at the movies!
**Each review will say which streaming service I found the movie on, but I cannot guarantee the movie is still there!**
