Movie Madness: The St. Francisville Experiment (2000)

(Available on Tubi)

A group of people are sent to stay in the mansion of Madame LaLaurie in St. Francisville to investigate if it is haunted or what.

The first third of the movie is being introduced to these people and then getting a lesson on what all of their ghost-hunting equipment does. The second third is them using said equipment. The third third is one guy saying how scared he is. Then there is a lame, unsatisfying couple of sentences at the end saying what happened to these people.

That’s about it.

Right away you are hoping the annoying psychic lady is going to be the first to get murdered by a ghost, or at the very least, you are hoping she is going to shut up soon. Then the blonde lady starts whining and you’re kind of rooting for her to go first. Then one guy keeps saying “I love ghosts” over and over and you would be ok if they got him first. Then of course there’s the guy who keeps saying how scared he is, and you are thinking maybe he should go first. It really makes you think.

Madame LaLaurie was a real lady, infamous for her horrifying treatment of her slaves – like using them for medical experiments and stuff. Like she was so bad that when the other people in town discovered what she had done they were outraged. (They didn’t mind her having slaves, but they had to draw the line somewhere, I guess.)

I went into this movie prepared to pounce, as the Madame LaLaurie house is in New Orleans and not in St. Francisville, and I know this because I went there and saw it (the outside, anyway) on a ghost tour. I was drunk at the time (it was New Orleans, after all), but I have it on good authority that I was, in fact, in front of her house. In the movie, to their credit, they do explain why they are in St. Francisville instead of just pretending like she never lived in New Orleans. So at least there’s that.

Would you like to hear about my trip to New Orleans? We had a really good time. It is a more interesting story than this movie.

See that image, up at the top there? That image is more interesting than this movie. I would invite you to make up your own story about that image and spend your time doing that instead of watching this movie.

Why. Why was this movie made?

Which would I rather watch again – this or Scream 6? Wow. I guess I’d have to say Scream 6, which is pretty bad.