Movie Madness: Hellraiser: Deader (2005)

(Available on Prime)

A strange video tape (no, not that one, although that would have made for a better movie. OMG can you imagine a movie featuring Samara from The Ring vs. Pinhead??? Someone make that movie) shows up at the headquarters of a magazine. The tape shows a woman killing herself, only to be brought back to life moments later by some guy.

Amy Klein, a reporter who is tortured by her past (we know this because she smokes a lot, wears big, clunky boots, is late to meetings, and has a sass mouth) is intrigued and heads off to Romania to investigate. She gets to Romania, and weird stuff happens. She breaks into some lady’s apartment and the lady is dead (or is she? I don’t know) and holding the Hellraiser puzzle box. Amy takes the box. She ends up on a subway car with weird people doing weird stuff and starts seeing things (or does she? Are they real or in her head? I don’t know). Somehow that leads her to the people who are killing themselves and being brought back to life.

There are several nightmare scenarios that kind of seem real but then aren’t (which I think is typical of Hellraiser movies but have kind of gotten old by this point), but these just kind of add to the run time and don’t seem to serve much more of a purpose.

I’ll be honest, here. I have no idea what was going on in this movie. It seemed to go on forever. Pinhead didn’t show up until the last 10 minutes or so, really, and I guess there was some argument between him and the guy who was bringing people back to life – not even sure what that was about, but it ended quickly and as you would expect. Somehow this Amy person was the only one who could end this (I guess?). End what? I don’t know. End it how? No idea. Her soul belongs to the one guy, then Hellraiser, but she outsmarts (?) them both (I guess?).

The last scene is cryptic as well. Another reporter is being asked to go to Romania to be tricked into going through the same thing, even though I thought it was all over and done with, so how can she go through the same thing? Huh?

Gratuitous shots of long, sharp knife

Gratuitous nudity and naughty things happening (on a subway car, no less)

Which was worse, this or Scream 6? That is a tough one. However, I have already put too much thought into this movie, and I have a headache.