Guest Blog by Someone in Front of a Judge

Does the wittle baby cop need a donut so he won’t be so grumpy?

Your honor, it all started when this fine officer pulled me over (looking quite handsome in his uniform, I must say).

I said to him, “Are you a cop? You have to tell me if you are,” which I thought was pretty funny. Right?

However, he did not seem amused.

He proceeded to tell me that I had been going 90 in a 35 zone.

I said to him, “Well, you had to speed that fast to catch up with me, so you were spending too, right?”

He did not seem amused by this, either.

As he started to write my ticket, I tried to make friendly conversation with him. I figured, you know, he’s probably having a tough day, dealing with all of these jerks all over town. Right?

So I said to him, “Don’t you have to run off to that donut sale at the new shop on the corner? I hate to keep you from that….”

I was just trying to help.

At this point, he gave me a look. I don’t want to say it was a “dirty” look. Maybe he just had something in his eye.

He finished writing up my ticket and asked me to sign it. I said, “Can I keep this pen?”

Again, the officer didn’t even crack a smile.

Oh, sure, he acted like he was being polite when he said, “Have a nice day, sir,” but I knew what he meant.

As he walked away I said, playfully, “Oink, oink.” He turned around to face me, and to my surprise, he looked angry! I could see it in his eyes…thankfully, instead of beating me severely, he turned around and got back into his car and drove off.

I don’t know why he was so upset. How can you get so upset over two words? (One word that was just repeated, actually.)

In conclusion, your honor, I don’t think I should have to pay this ticket because the officer was kind of a jerk.

As a side note, that robe makes you look fat.