Guest Blog by Someone Who Knows What You’re Up To

This is the worst Christmas Eve ever.

Hey. I see you there. What is that you’re doing? Yeah, that’s what I thought you were doing. Who said you could do that? Why would you do that?

You’d better put that down. Stop swinging it around! All of that stuff is going to fly out! Oh no! Look what you’ve done! Look what you did to that statue! I didn’t even know that was possible. They’ll never get that back into one piece.

No. Put that squirrel down. I will not have you involving innocent squirrels in this!

The worst part is you took time off of work to do this. You would think a school principal would know better.

How did you even fit that in there?

I don’t think I can associate with you anymore now.

No. Not my bottle cap collection! You know I’ve been collecting those for years. How did you fashion them into a crude catapult? How is that even possible?

Great. Now I think I’d better take you to the emergency room. What do you mean you aren’t allowed back there? How does someone get banned from an emergency room?

Why are you standing up? HOW are you standing up? Does your elbow always point the other way like that, or did that just happen?

Stop making that noise. You are going to wake everyone up. How is it even possible to make that noise? Well, now you’ve done it. Now everyone else is awake. Now everyone will see what you’ve done!

I am going home now, before you get me into trouble. No, don’t follow me! Well, now. You’ve fallen into that big pit you dug and filled with steak sauce and you can’t get out and you deserve it.

I will see you tomorrow, mom.